Numb

HAHA: try test ni tadi dekat facebook. Walaupun tau tak betul, paling-paling pun, "its really comforting me:) ".

I do have lots of great ideas, but to deliver them are my biggest difficulty for me to overcome.

Should i take it as a challange? Yes, I do.

Today i really had a good talk with few lovely peoples. Despite of my sleepiness of the so called "post oncall syndrome", i do remember each word they said to me. Meanwhile, as i am awake, and with some reflection, those words really haunting me.

As far i could remember, i am a bit numb when something big happen suddenly. It just that, when something happen beyond my expectation, i really don't know how to react, how i feel,what the right thing to say,what should i do. Especially when it invove myself or peoples close to my heart. DUMB or NUMB? whatever. I remember the early days when i was studying in the boarding school during my secondary school years, my batchmate keep on asking me how do i feel to be apart from family. I said, i don't feel anything. I think, i am just ok. Haha. It took me about three month to realize my so-called "homesick", where at that time most of my friends are fully recovered. I also remember the time when my sister want to further her study abroad, and i was so happy for her and really excited to sent her off at the airport. But, when the time came to say bye-bye, i broke into tears, and to make it worst, i cried all the way home that night and few days after that until i realize what actually happen..haha..weird is it? But that kind of things keep happening. Recently, one of my good friend got sick, and i was so worried. I did not call nor sms not even buy anything for her or even do anything i used to do for others. All i do is just put on the "brave face " where its actually very hard inside.

Something big going to happen in my family and i am very excited about it. From the survey my mum told me about the reaction of my siblings, i can see there's a mixed-feelings and emotions. Everybody have their own good way of describing it ..haha. My mum describe my reaction as 'profesional'. HAHA. I know, i am always professional mum :). I used to have the kind of instinct and i know what the right thing to say and that's actually what i feel deep in my heart. Maybe, due to my time lag of realizing something, i then finally realize what i should feel in the first place. And i hope its not too late to say this..

Especially for you (you know who you are;) )

" I always love you and i always pray the best for you. But still i am sad thinking of losing you. You know, everything will never be the same after this. Future will be BETTER, Insha Allah, but still i will be really missing the past . There's a lot of things we used to do and share together and there's also so many chance that i am just mess it up. But still i can't go to the past and try to cover it up(although i really want to). Maybe, the right thing to do right now is just to move on. Wishing for a brighter future, Biiznillah. I do pray the best for your future undertakings. May Allah bless you always:)"

me